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Mike Shinoda | Post Traumatic

// post traumatic \\

001._Place To Start
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Mike Shinoda
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
percussion by: Rob Bourdon
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I don't have a leg to stand on
Spinning like a whirlwind nothing to land on
Came so far never thought it'd be done now
Stuck in a holding pattern waiting to come down
Did somebody else define me
Can I put the past behind me
Do I even have a decision
Feeling like I'm living in a story already written
Am I part of a vision / made by somebody else
Pointing fingers at villains but I’m the villain myself
Or am I out of conviction with no wind in the sail
Too focused on the end and simply ready to fail
Cause I’m tired of the fear that I can’t control this
I’m tired of feeling like every next step’s hopeless
I’m tired of being scared what I build might break apart
I don’t want to know the end, all I want is a place to start

 

002._Over Again
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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Sometimes / sometimes you don’t say goodbye once

You say goodbye over and over and over again

Over and over and over again

Sometimes / sometimes you don’t say goodbye once

You say goodbye over and over and over again

Over and over and over again

 

It was a month since he passed / maybe less

And no one knew what to do / we were such a mess

We were texting / we were calling / we were checking in

We said we ought to play a show in honor of our friend

Well now that show’s finally here / it’s tonight

Supposed to go / to the bowl / get on stage / dim the lights

With our friends / and our family / in his name / celebrate

There’s no way that I’ll be ready to get back up on that stage

Can't remember if I’ve cancelled any show

But I think about what I’m supposed to do and I don’t know

Cause I think about not doing it the same way as before

And it makes me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor

We rehearsed it for a month / I’m not worried about the set

I get tackled by the grief at times that I would least expect

I know what I should be doing when I’m singing but instead

We’ll be playing through a song and I’d remember in my head

 

Sometimes / sometimes you don’t say goodbye once

You say goodbye over and over and over again

Over and over and over again

Sometimes / sometimes you don’t say goodbye once

You say goodbye over and over and over again

Over and over and over again

 

What (are) they saying, I’m not raw?

What the fuck you take me for?

All the sudden you hear what I’ve said a hundred ways before?

I been pushed, I been trapped

Drug myself through hell and back and

Fallen flat and had the balls to start it all again from scratch

How do you feel / how you doing / how’d the show go?

Am I insane to say the truth is that I don’t know

My body aches / head’s spinning this is all wrong

I almost lost it in middle of a couple songs

And everybody that I talk to is like, “wow

Must be really hard to figure what to do now”

Well thank you genius / you think it’ll be a challenge

Only my life’s work hanging in the fucking balance

And all I wanted was to get a little bit of closure

And every step I took I looked and wasn’t any closer

Cause sometimes when you say goodbye yeah you say it

Over and over and over and over

003._Watching As I Fall
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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Excuse me while I kiss the sky

Sing a song of sixpence / pocket full of lies

Thinking I’m OK but they’re saying otherwise

Tell me how I look but can’t look me in the eyes

Watching as I say this and then I do that

Telling them the old words but in a new rap

Then I change my mind up and make them lose track

Shit I’m inconsistent I thought you knew that

 

Maybe I should be more grateful

That I had to watch it all come undone

Holding so tight to the edge is painful

But I can’t ignore it I know

 

They’re watching as I fall / they’re staring as I go

I gave until my soul hurt / and never told them so

They’re watching as I fall / to somewhere down below

But maybe I’m just falling / to get somewhere they won’t

 

Excuse me while I sympathize

Singing with the fat lady tell me what’s the time

You know what it is not afraid to cross the line

Nothing is forever don’t be mad at the design

Ask me if I can / I say I don’t know

And honestly I buy that I can sound cold

Still upset from stuff that’s 15 years old

I don’t know what it takes to make me let go

 

Maybe I should be more grateful

That I had to watch it all come undone

Holding so tight to the edge is painful

But I can’t ignore it I know

 

They’re watching as I fall / they’re staring as I go

I gave until my soul hurt / and never told them so

They’re watching as I fall / to somewhere down below

But maybe I’m just falling / to get somewhere they won’t

004._Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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I used to know where the bottom was

Somewhere far under the ocean waves

Up on a ledge I was looking down

It was far enough to keep me safe

But the ground was cracked open

Threw me in the ocean

Cast me out away at sea

And the waves are still breaking

Now that I awaken

No one’s left to answer me

 

My inside’s out / my left is right

My upside’s down / my black is white

I hold my breath / and close my eyes

And wait for dawn but there’s no light

Nothing makes sense anymore anymore

Nothing makes sense anymore anymore

 

I used to sleep without waking up

In a dream I made from painted walls

I was a moment away from done

When the black spilled out across it all

And my eyes were made sober

World was turned over

Washing out the lines I’d seen

And my heart is still breaking

Now that I awaken

No one’s left to answer me

 

I’m a call without an answer

I’m a shadow in the dark

Trying to put it back together

As I watch it fall apart

005._About You (feat. blackbear)
produced by: Mike Shinoda
Additional production by: Aaron C. Harmon & Jordan Reyes
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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This is that gather round it / and wonder where I found it

This is that wake up make your agent have your tour re-routed

This is that drama comma pain and ain’t no way around it

Cause somehow still it's hard to know what I can say about it

I buckled up told myself to suck it up 

I was scared to death to get up there and spill my fucking guts

I was saying pull your stupid self together buttercup

get it cracking Back in Black until you have em Thunderstruck 

But

 

Even when it's not about you, about you

All the sudden it's about you now, oh

Even when it's not about you, about you

All the sudden it's about you

 

No, there's not a single thing that I can say

Not a single solitary / every meaning changes shape

Even when there's no connection back to you in any line

All the sudden it's about you and it gets me every time but

What the fuck is left to author anyway

When I basically been writing since the Raiders ran LA

I’m afraid that maybe I've said everything there is to say

Maybe I should make an exit while there’re ways to get away, cause

 

(blackbear)

can’t find the words to a memory

but these are just words to a melody

find something that works fits the symmetry

for only a quick broken remedy

and i’d give anything to choose

pick out the words i bring home to u

how can i make due

put a smile on change my attitude

and even though it’s not about u

everything is all about u 

all about u

006._Brooding (Instrumental)
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Mike Shinoda
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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007._Promises I Can’t Keep
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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What's the difference between a man and a monster

Is it somewhere between “I can" and “I want to"

Is it somewhere between the promises I made

And the fact I couldn’t see something getting in the way

I used to think that I know what I want

Never saw it coming unglued

I used to think that I know what I want

Now it’s time to see if it’s true

 

I had so much certainty

Till that moment I lost control

And I’ve tried but it never was up to me

I’ve got no worse enemy

Than the fear of what’s still unknown

And the time’s come to realize there will be

Promises I can’t keep

 

What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit

I tried to make it better but I made it more sick

I tried to make it right / but now awake at night

I know reality was getting in the way

I used to think that I knew who I was

Never saw it coming unglued

I used to think that I knew who I was

Now it’s time to see if it’s true

008._Crossing A Line
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Manny Marroquin
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They’ll tell you I don’t care anymore

And I hope you’ll know that’s a lie

Cause I’ve found what I have been waiting for

But to get there means crossing a line

 

I don’t know how to warn you / for what I’m gonna say

Cause you’re holding so tight to / what I’m taking away

I got demons inside me / so I’m faced with a choice

Either try to ignore them / or I give them a voice

 

And it’s keeping me up at night

Worried it’s not alright

Holding back things you don’t know

And it’s keeping me up at night

Worried it’s not alright

You’re not gonna like where this goes

 

And they’ll

Tell you I don’t care anymore

And I hope you’ll know that’s a lie

Cause I’ve found what I have been waiting for

But to get there means crossing a line

So I’m crossing a line

 

It’s not about status / we know it never was

Cause what good is the kingdom / when you’re missing the love

This is not a goodbye now / I’m not going away

No I don’t have the answers / but I do have the faith

 

And it’s keeping me up at night

Worried it’s not alright

Holding back things you don’t know

And it’s keeping me up at night

Worried it’s not alright

You’re not gonna like where this goes

NO

009._Hold It Together
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Mike Shinoda
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
Live Drums by: Darren King
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She said are you OK

And I'm staring into space

It's making her nervous / ‘cause one thing is certain

I don’t have my head on straight

We're trying to get through each week

On two or three hours of sleep

I say to be patient / that we’re gonna make it

I have to admit that I’m struggling

 

They say take it slow but the

World keeps spinning / and that I don't control

And so there I go

Trying to act normal / so they won't know that

 

I’m just trying to hold my shit together / together darling

I’m just trying to hold my shit together / together darling

 

They say that they sympathize

I'm grateful they take the time

But bringing it up at this 6 year old’s birthday

It kinda fucks up my vibe

We end on an awkward note

I make the most awkward joke

Too dark to be funny / I shouldn't have come it’d be

Weird go to home and I'm struggling

 

They say take it slow but the

World keeps spinning / and that I don't control

And so there I go

Trying to act normal / so they won't know that

 

I’m just trying to hold my shit together / together darling

I’m just trying to hold my shit together / together darling

 

Oh I don’t know what else to try

Pretend I'm in control but I’m

Just trying to hold my shit together / together darling

010._Ghosts
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Serban Ghenea
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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She said

This is not about a poltergeist

Not about a phantom that glows at night

But there are things we don’t know and I

Don’t have another choice but an open mind / oh

And I know what they’ll say

I’m trying to make sense of what no one can explain

But I’ve been having dreams that after I’m awake

Play out in reality the very next day

So I play along

I nod my head when they say I’m wrong

But each night falls and away I run

On the other side till the daylight comes

 

And when the lights go down

I see things I can’t explain

Calling out my name

The lights go down

Holding every memory close

Tonight is for our ghosts

Ghosts

 

This is not about you and me

I can’t bring back how it used to be

And I know what I do believe but

I’ve already seen what I couldn’t see / oh

So I play along

I nod my head when they say I’m wrong

But each night falls and away I run

On the other side till the daylight comes

 

And when the lights go down

I see things I can’t explain

Calling out my name

The lights go down

Holding every memory close

Tonight is for our ghosts

Ghosts

 

And when the lights go down

Is there something in the air

There but never there

The lights go down

Holding every memory close

Tonight is for our ghosts

Ghosts

011._Make It Up As I Go (feat. K.Flay)
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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I keep on running backwards

I keep on losing faith

I thought I had the answers

I thought I knew the way

My brother said be patient

My mother held my hand

I don’t know what I’m chasing

I don’t know who I am

 

Woke up this morning holding my head

Thinking last night is one I’ll regret

Washing off the bad decisions / the blurry vision

The clues that I’m still a mess

Spitting out the taste I have in my mouth

Knowing what this all is really about

Knowing there’s an explanation / an expiration

I gotta figure shit out

 

And they’re asking me / if I can see / the darkness down below

And I know it’s true / I say I do / when half the time I don’t

Maybe I can’t make / what it may take / to leave this thing behind

But I shut my eyes / and cross each line / and every time

 

I keep on running backwards

I keep on losing faith

I thought I had the answers

I thought I knew the way

My brother said be patient

My mother held my hand

I don’t know what I’m chasing

I don’t know who I am

 

Waking in the dead of night I can’t sleep

Sleeping in the light of day for like weeks

Reality was out of focus

I could be hopeless

Instead I gritted my teeth

I didn’t have the patience left to explain

Didn’t wanna wait while nobody came

I know the path ahead’s uneven

But while I’m breathing

I have to make my own lane

 

And they’re asking me / if I can see / the darkness down below

And I know it’s true / I say I do / when half the time I don’t

Maybe I can’t make / what it may take / to leave this thing behind

But I shut my eyes / and cross each line / and every time

 

I keep on running backwards

I keep on losing faith

I thought I had the answers

I thought I knew the way

My brother said be patient

My mother held my hand

I don’t know what I’m chasing

I don’t know who I am

 

So I make it up as I go (o-oh, o-oh)

I make it up as I go (o-oh, o-oh)

So I make it up as I go (o-oh, o-oh)

I make it up as I go

As I go

012._Lift Off (feat. Chino Moreno and Machine Gun Kelly)
produced by: Mike Shinoda
co-produced by: Andrew Dawson
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Manny Marroquin
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I’m off of the Earth / on a ride / alone

 

Lift off like Virgin Galactic

My Richard’s too Branson to fuck with you bastards

Very legendary that’s some matter-of-fact shit

You’re the opposite of stars, like rats spelled backwards

I flow poems out to Saturn and passed it

Easy as a standard anti-gravity backflip

Satellite tracking can’t map up my tactics

I spit the same shit they split an atom in half with

No, it’s not what I want but it had to be

I spent 6 months just recharging my battery

Imagine me quitting, what a travesty that would be

You space shuttle Challengers are nothing but tragedies

So take care on the path that you’re headed

I’m the father to your style, don’t’ you ever forget it

I don’t drop mics / only let it smoke where I set it

And I don’t play / even when they press it / get it

 

I’m off of the Earth / on a ride / alone

I’m drifting away / out of time / afloat

Away from the truth / away from the night / away from the day

I’m off of the Earth / on a ride / alone

 

Please brace for impact

Must’ve went to space and got sent back

But I’m still intact

In fact, take a picture of me

You can see that I’m a star with your lens cracked

Supernova / In Caesars Palace stuntin' on my opponents

Cause history’ll show / We done been to war like Romans

Did that dance with the devil / Hell hot as a kettle

So it’s no wonder why I put this ice on all of my metal

And wear that shit like a medal 

Use to think I was a joker / no Jared Leto

When I said I’d get us out the ghetto

Slam my foot on the pedal 

Book the studio when I couldn’t afford instrumentals

Fuck it, record acapella 

Flyin’ coach dreaming Coachella / until they banned me

Now they like Bambi’s mother, dead

I’m on to these Grammys

I’m rollin’ these grams gladly / purple and green like Daphne

Shades on like Velma / hair long like Shaggy

Crushin’ addys in my water / got my voice raspy

Haven’t slept since California and that shit was last week

Paranoid when I sleep

But when I’m high, I’m happy

That’s why I need to kiss the sky when I get stuck in the valley

Lift Off

013._I.O.U.
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Jaycen Joshua
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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Levitating off the blacktop

Used to struggle getting started now I can't stop

Used to be the quiet kid in the sandbox

Now it's hands up every time that your man rocks

They ought to stop me coming in again

You mad / you thought we were synonyms

Too bad that's the water you're getting in

You’re too fat for the sharks that you're swimming in

From where I'm sitting contenders are

Looking like fruit spinning around in a blender

Hardly a snack when I'm here looking for dinner

I eat ‘em delete ‘em they're barely beginners

Main course is my main sport

Play major but Minor's my main Fort

Put a chain around everything I came for

Look but don't touch sucker

 

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Say they want respect now / thinking they deserve to have it next now

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Believing what they’re making up / talking loud but never really saying much

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

I been drawing plans out / and they think I’m giving them a handout

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Thinking they’re entitled to a piece no / I don’t think so

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

 

Levitating in a blackout

Used to drink at least a 40 ‘fore we mashed out

Used to think that working 40 was a max out

Now I’m working even when I’m sleeping do the math now

‘Cause even when I’m sleeping, eyes keep ‘em open

Stripe across ‘em both the color of your hemoglobin

A huge act man like I’m known for being Logan

X-23 I’m keen to leave ‘em with a femur broken

Taking it too far maybe / Friends like

Mike I don’t know who you are lately

But pride and hate has made naysayers mistake me

For wasting brain space on ratings they gave me?

I don’t need your respect I got history / I’m

‘81 Reagan with that nonsense: miss me

Father like Francis, Anakin or John Misty

Not to be touched sucker

 

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Say they want respect now / thinking they deserve to have it next now

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Believing what they’re making up / talking loud but never really saying much

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

I been drawing plans out / and they think I’m giving them a handout

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

Thinking they’re entitled to a piece no // I don’t think so

Tell ‘em take an I.O.U.

014._Running From My Shadow (feat. grandson)
produced by: Mike Shinoda
co-produced by: Boonn
mixed by: Manny Marroquin
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
Additional Guitar by: Boonn
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Wanna know where I don’t go

When it goes from OK to a oh no

When it goes from hi five to a low blow

When it goes from all five to a solo

Lemme tell you what you don’t know

I been down / so low / I was

Looking for something but denying that I found it

There’s an elephant sitting in the room

And I can’t find another way to tiptoe around it

I been doing greater good for a long time

But I can’t find any other way to give now

I been putting myself on the sideline

And it’s been time so I’m saying can I live now

 

There are times when I kick myself

Say I’m not sick but I can’t get well

Say I got this while I chase my tail

As if they can’t tell

 

I'm running from my shadow

Running from my shadow but it’s still there chasing me down

I’ll never win the battle

Never win the battle and I should have known it by now

Just when I think I’ve found the end / ohhh

I’m going back around again / ohhh

Running from my shadow

Running from my shadow but it’s still there chasing me down

 

Light side’s got a dark side to it

Daytime flows into night like fluid

The yin and the yang with a curved line through it

And none of it’s illuminating why I do it

Maybe I didn’t want to chase what was not right

Maybe I didn’t want to face you were offsides

Thinking I was far away from a crossed line

But I was giving soft praise to a hard lie

There are things that you say and you don’t say

My tongue’s gotten real tired of me biting it

‘Cause I keep on following the wrong way

Time’s come and I can’t keep denying it

There are times when I kick myself

Say I’m not sick but I can’t get well

Say I got this while I chase my tail

As if they can’t tell

 

 

 

I'm running from my shadow

Running from my shadow but it’s still there chasing me down

I’ll never win the battle

Never win the battle and I should have known it by now

Just when I think I’ve found the end / ohhh

I’m going back around again / ohhh

Running from my shadow

Running from my shadow but it’s still there chasing me down

 

I love you but I know / I gotta let you go

Dancing with the devil cause she’s all I’ve ever known

Wanted to pretend / That this time was the end

Sorry but I guess I gotta let you down again

Again

Again

Running from my shadow now my shadow is my only friend

 

Running from my shadow

But it’s still there chasing me down

Running from my shadow

Running from my shadow but it’s still there chasing me down

015._World’s On Fire
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Mike Shinoda
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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Don’t think I need to say this

‘Cause you know what’s in my head

Fucked up is an understatement

Can’t wait for this year to end

It all fell apart / don’t know where to start

And everything moves so slow

I can’t get a break / it’s too much to take

But closing my eyes I know

 

When the world’s on fire / all I need is you

I don’t always think to say it but it's true

When I just want to disappear

You’re the one that keeps me here

The world’s on fire / all I need is you

 

The riot’s on the horizon

We’re calling each other's bluff

The smoke’s filling up the skies and

I say we should pack it up

Maybe the blaze / will take this away

To ash and to earth below

You tell me to breathe / that you still believe

And closing my eyes I know

016._Can’t Hear You Now
produced by: Mike Shinoda
mixed by: Serban Ghenea
mastered by: Michelle Mancini
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You can call till your voice is running out

But I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

I’m somewhere far away where you can’t bring me down

So I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

 

Run run it back / tell ‘em what I’m coming at

I was on that bullshit then / now I’m done with that

Scared of what I didn’t want / scared of what I wanted and

Thought that I was finished but I hardly had begun in fact

I’m a beast I’m a monster a savage

And any other metaphor the culture can imagine

And I got a caption for anybody asking

That is / I am feeling fucking fantastic

 

Some days it doesn’t take much to bring me down

Some days I’m struggling for control

Some days it doesn’t take much to bring me down

Right now I’m floating above it all

 

So you can call till your voice is running out

But I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

I’m somewhere far away where you can’t bring me down

So I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

 

Come come again / feel it when it’s flooding in

Woke up knowing I don’t have to be numb again

Starting line scratched out, I don’t have to run again

Give a fucks maxxed out / tell ‘em I’m not coming in

I’m not present on the payroll

And you can tell me I should do it cause you say so

But I’m not dancing to the rhythm you replay no

Cause I’m already half a million miles away though / they know

 

Some days it doesn’t take much to bring me down

Some days I’m struggling for control

Some days it doesn’t take much to bring me down

Right now I’m floating above it all

 

So you can call till your voice is running out

But I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

I’m somewhere far away where you can’t bring me down

So I can’t hear you now

I can’t hear you now

 

And I waited too long / I listened too much

You said what can’t be unheard

I’m drawing a line / enough is enough

I let you have your last word

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